Monday, May 09, 2005

Fourteen Degrees of Deviation

…and now, for something completely different:

Okay, so not completely, but this one is actually a set of haiku poems that are each related to the next by some element of language or thought. Each poem builds itself out of the bones of the previous one. I've used similar structures in the past, but this is my first try with this particular technique. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Haikus, for me, are like snacks. Can’t write just one. Anyway, I hope you enjoy these as much as my usual, hit ‘em in the head with a brick style.

Fourteen Degrees of Deviation

The exhalation
comes slowly, haltingly, breath
never freely spent.

Breath is uncertain
wind, reversing course, life its

Uncertainty of
beauty, the shadows falling,
her shoulder’s hollow.

Hollow sounds within
the canyon, one becoming
three in this drum song.

Songs of warriors live
in the ephemeral book
of the second world.

Second worlds, eyes like
striped stones, seeing clear though
the smoke of making.

Smoke and the sounds of
structures burning, animal
senses unbound, wild.

Unbound, still restrained
by marks and scars upon our
spirit selves, crippled.

Selves are houses made
without mortar enough to
seal away the chill.

Chill thoughts of morning,
incised memories and thoughts of
cut grass smell, vivid.

Vivid colors, heat,
convergence of water in
a dry place, blessed.

Blessed convergence,
smooth fingers upon fevered
flesh, better than dreams.

The better flesh stays,
incorruptible tissue
moves in unison.

In unison, quick
insects fly windward, pollen
like scent symphonies.


swiftboat said...

My favorite:

"Selves are houses made
without mortar enough to
seal away the chill."

Thanks for the change of pace.

Firehawk said...


Thanks for coming over. I only saw your other comment on "Sting of Corrupted Rain" tonight. I appreciate your thoughts on both poems.

Before I posted this one, I had another person say that your favorite was the one they preferred. I personally like a few of the others more, but maybe there's enough of them to suit multiple pallettes.

Again, thanks, and please come back anytime.

Mushster said...

They're all lovely but that one is my favourite too.

Bill said...

Personally, I liked:

The better flesh stays,
incorruptible tissue
moves in unison.

But then again I'm slightly off center! :)

Another great post Firehawk.. I love reading your stuff!

Stranger Ken said...

I like Bill's choice, too, but there's such a lot of complexity in all of them that I could write an essay! Terrific! They'll stay in the memory.

Firehawk said...

Thanks, everyone. Glad you liked the haikus. I'll have to write some more when the moment seems right.

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